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The variety of times this thing has made me say, “I want a minute,” to my housemate is obscene. It’s eerily environment friendly — like it’s been programmed with NASA-level precision. The decrease settings are sort of pointless because as quickly as you know what it might possibly really do, you’re skipping straight to the top three. Also, it has a learning curve; positioning matters, and if you get it mistaken, it feels like a tragic, whispery kiss instead of a euphoric out-of-body expertise.

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